#Simonchu and Bananafunkle

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 77

LAYLA: Do not call me. Do not find me. I’ve unfriended you on Facebook. I’d just assume not look at you ever again, unless it’s on T.V. Goodbye.

PUNCHY: I understand. I am not worthy of your love and compassion. I am truly sorry, Layla. Stay safe and well.

LAYLA: And as for you, banana.

BANANASAUROS: Rrr?

LAYLA: You are bruised, moldy, and downright not fruit full. Good bye.

Layla asks Punchy not try to contact her again. She assumes they’ll never meet again, unless she sees him on TV (not gonna lie, I kinda laughed at that bit, even though I’m not sure it was a joke.) Though in universe, the problems with Layla and Punchy’s relationship was solely caused by BS showing up, it’s more likely that more cosmic forces drove them apart - namely Chris. The decision to break up both Punchy’s and Angelica’s relationships at the same time was probably not a coincidence. Let’s start with the two non-Chaotic Combo members involved. Layla was, however indirectly, the brainchild of Ivy O’Neil, who had been “dead” for about eight years at this point and was naught but a memory to Chris (if he remembered her at all). Reginald was Chris’s replacement self-insert for when he couldn’t use his more blatant self-insert due to being trapped in the Time Void. Both of these characters were relics of a time gone by, the time of Classic Chris, and their continued presence felt like an artifact. As we’ll soon see, they get paired up together, seemingly tying together two loose ends and writing them off more or less into the sunset (not exactly, as we’ll see in Sonichu 12, but that’ll come later). Moving back to Punchy and Angelica, remember way back in Sonichu 7 when Magi-Chan said that Wild and Punchy were competing for Angie’s love, a plot point that was soon dropped when Simonla came on the scene and stole Wild’s heart away? Well, between their partners leaving them and their brief conversation in Episode 22, it’s possible that Chris intended to set the two up to get into a relationship, the first two Chaotic Combo members to date each other, but it never really took shape. Chris seemingly didn’t care to set them up any further in Sonichu 12, and then that ship wasn’t part of the Idea Guys’ manifesto, so seemingly it’s been on ice forever. Chris has spent very little time as of late on either character, so their fate in the post Idea Guys world is somewhat foggy, and it seems their latent attraction has been suppressed.

Punchy takes getting dumped surprisingly well. He’s surprisingly mature about letting Layla live her life without him, though that might be because Chris was just done with the Layla character by this point.

Despite calling BS bruised and moldy, Layla still takes a bite out of him.

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 66

SIMON: A new pocket monster, huh? Let’s have a look-see.

BANANASAUR: Bleh! Warble-warble!

Caption: Bananasaur Grass/Dragon

SANDY: Aww! Look at this cute thing. I feel like I wanna keep it!

BANANASAUR: Whee! Nerp-in flabbin’ ne-boo!

SANDY: Welcome to the world, Bananasaur, what’s your first thought?

BANANASAUR: Blegh! Nerp-flam wobble, ni-boop! Wam wam ka-blam!

SANDY: Wha…?

SANDY: Weird… as a Pokemon myself, I can understand a freshly hatched Pidgey, even a Dieno, but I only hear gibberish from him.

Simon and Sandy, curious about the monstrosity they’ve discovered, release Bananasaur to the world, revealing a small, green, not-quite-banana-like beast. His green color may reference unripe bananas, which are green.

Bananasaur is a Grass/Dragon-Type, a typing that might not have been in use by any real Pokemon when Bananasaur was created (the earliest evidence we have for the thing is 2014, the same year that Mega Sceptile was released, a Mega Evolution that added the Dragon-Type to the normally mono-Grass-Type Sceptile). By 2017, when this was released, Mega Sceptile was firmly established and was joined by Alolan Exeggutor, and since then the Grass/Dragon-Type has been expanded to include Applin and its evolutions Flapple and Appletun. Despite the typing, Bananasauros most strongly resembles Tropius, a Grass/Flying-Type banana dinosaur. Though the latter Pokemon didn’t exist at this point, Bananasaur retroactively resembles a cross between Tropius and the Applin line, the former’s banana focus and the like the latter it’s essentially a living fruit.

Bananasaur does not speak its name like most Pokemon, instead it mumbles and warbles. Sandy notes that she can normally understand Pokemon speak, even Dragon-Types like Deino, but Bananasaur’s garbled talk is all Greek to her. Luckily for Bananasaur, an ally is nearby.

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 78

BANANASAUROS: Pbrrr…

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Aaaay, Punchy. It’s all cool, brah. I was dumped by a few women in my past life. (Granted, it was my fault for playing the field badly) Let’s go play some Call of Duty, dude.

PUNCHY: …Yeah. Give me lots of time to recover, then ask me again, banana-hopper.

CHRIS: I sincerely apologize, but time is short for this episode, with two pages left, so I’m summarizing the remainder.

CHRIS {narration}: So, after Layla leaves, she takes a cab to her temprary care-giving trainer, (like how volunteers temp care for cats and dogs, or like a volunteer big sibling) William Falkner. He lets her stay at his house, then the next day…

Caption: December 23, 3:30 PM, at an M.C.D…

CHRIS {narration}: Layla finds Reginald, recognizes him, and asks to share the table while she eats and searches the web for a job and a place to rent on her phone.

LAYLA: How have you been since the class?

REGINALD: Eh… I could be better right now.

Caption: December 27, 7:30 PM, Layla’s apartment… 

CHRIS {narration}: Reginald had not found a new place yet, so Layla invites him to bunk with her. A few days later, she finds a good place to rent, and a job at the electric company as a secretary in power management. Reginald moves in with her.

REGINALD: I’ll take the couch; you have the bed.

LAYLA: Nonsense, cutie. Come to bed with me.

Chris buts in to announce that the episode is almost over (I don’t know why he feels the need to wrap this up; it’s not like he had a strict time limit or anything. I guess he was just bored of this episode).

Seeing as Ivy is still dead, Layla is without a friend in the world, so she’s briefly taken under the wing of a “[temporary] care-giving trainer”. Her temp trainer shares his name with mid-Twentieth Century American novelist William Faulkner (whose birth name was in fact Falkner without the U), famous for The Sound and the Fury (1929) and As I Lay Dying (1930). Though Faulkner is from and strongly associated with his home state of Mississippi, he was briefly the writer-in-residence at the University of Virginia, where Chris was known to stalk girls at in his youth, so it’s possible Chris became familiar with his work through his time spent there (or it’s possible that he was assigned one of his books during his schooling, but given how well he did on most of his English assignments I doubt he would remember it). It’s also not impossible that this character is named for this Falkner, the Flying-Type gym leader from Johto, seeing that he and the Flaaffy Pokemon debuted in the same games.

After leaving Falkner’s care, she reunites with her old community college buddy Reginald Sneasel, and they meet for food at McDonald’s, possibly the same McDonald’s where Punchy and Layla had their first date. After getting a place of her own and getting a real job (apparently she wasn’t already working, like an unmarried and childless housewife), she invites Reginald not only into her house but into her bed, cementing their new relationship.

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Sonichu 11 Page 79

CHRIS {narration}: Meanwhile, while he recovers from Layla leaving, David has been feeling more at home. “Best roomies”, V.B.B.? Not so likely.

Caption: December 28, 3:30 AM

CHRIS?: Fortunately for Punchy; not so much f

PUNCHY: She is not joking!! Endless gaming, not cleaning after himself, and not only have I lost peace of mind and sleep, I haven’t been able to binge-watch my “Samurai Pizza Cats” DVD set. Ugh!!!

CHRIS {narration}: Fortunately for Punchy; not so much for David, Master Shin-nabe hired David for various jobs around the dojo, and teaches further strict training.

SHINABE: Doing constant labor builds stronger endurance.

MAGI-CHAN: I, too, feel need to interrupt as well. I have been locating our Sonichites and Rosechites since the past August of 2008. And I have been prolific in keeping with Graduon’s then spiritual activities since his release.

MAGI-CHAN: With Christine Chandler’s protection, a spot of havoc is nullified at the SLGBTQ pride festival of 2009. But the greater threats will be building up after that, regardless. So, loyal patrons and fans, please do stay tuned to the drawn/printed pages of the “Sonichu” books; slice-of-life history and all. Thank you.

Caption: End

Punchy is finally feeling the effects of BS draining him, so miserable is he that he rips through the page, complaining that BS has taken up so much of his time that he hasn’t been able to finish the Samurai Pizza Cats DVDs he was buying at the beginning of the episode (I question how he hasn’t seen that series a million times by now; he’s been talking about the series since Sonichu 6). Luckily, Punchy is able to pawn BS off to Shinabe, and he becomes Shinabe’s odd-job doer. Thus ends the brief, bizarre life of Bananasauros as a character in Sonichu.

Magi-Chan pops in for a hot sec to tease the last episode of this issue and the main episode of the next; we’ll see Sonichites and Rosechites in Episode 24.1 and the SLGBTQ Pride Festival in Episode 26. Vaguely visible behind him is Larry the Alakazam, an Alakazam (that I think was once part of Kel’s team) who has a small role in Episode 25.

Included on this page is another backhanded slight against Waterman and his character. “‘Best Roomies’, VBB?”

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 76

BANANASAUROS: I win.

BANANASAUROS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

SFX: Thwack!

PUNCHY: I’m spike, the banana punch, mom.

PUNCHY: Can we go to the doctor now?

Caption: Shin-nabe calls 911; both Punchy and Bananasauros are fully healed at the Pokemon Center.

Caption: December 22, 4:30 PM, at Punchy’s place…

BANANASAUROS {thought}: You kept beating me; I wanted to win once, dude.

PUNCHY: That is no excuse, man. You really need to mature more. And the dicipline! You need self-control! You are soo not cool, man.

PUNCHY: Hey honey, I’m… ooh! Not the suitcase! You’re leaving, aren’t you?

LAYLA: Yes, Mister Sonichu, I am. I have tried my hardest to keep up with you. Then this… skateboarder nearly kills you. I thought a strike ninja would have had more common sense. This worries me too much! So, I’m moving back in with my trainer.

BS gloats over Punchy, but he inadvertently steps on the loose floorboard Punchy is lying on, sending him flying up and the two crash into each other. This hurts both of them and they are then finally sent to the hospital, or in their cases, a Pokemon Center.

When they get home (I assume this is the same day), Punchy is shocked to see that Layla has packed her bags, preparing to move out. She sets out her treatise as to why BS is just the absolute worst - he’s getting Punchy hurt, despite his prodigious training. She’s done nursing him, so she’s cutting him loose and returning to her trainer (which I assume is essentially moving back in with her parents.)

I love how Chris included the time this takes place even though it’s not important, like, at all. This isn’t 24, Chris, we don’t need to know the time constantly.

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 74

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Du-u-u-ude! Stop this crazy thing!!!

SFX: Wham!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: David… that did tree… hit… 

BANANASAUROS {thought}: This is no time to wipe out! I’ve got to get one solid victory off Punchy Sonichu!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Radical!!!

Caption: Meanwhile…

SHINABE: Thank you, young master, for quickly repairing my dojo after Grasshopper’s misfortune in battle.

PUNCHY: I try to respect and honor the dojo I grew up in, as well as all nearby areas, Sensi.

BANANASAUROS {or possibly SFX?} Cowa-kasha!!!

Bananasauros’s thoughts while rolling are a reference to the closing credits of the 1962-3 Hanna Barbera cartoon The Jetsons, where the father of the family, George Jetson, would walk the family’s dog Astro on a futuristic space treadmill when a cat jumps in front of them, causing Astro to begin chasing it. They run so much faster than George that he loses grip on Astro’s leash and gets sucked under the treadmill, going around it in loops until Astro and the cat jump off it and stop chasing each other, deciding to share in the schadenfreude, and George calls out to his wife Jane, who is inside, “Jane! Stop this crazy thing!”, continuing to call for Jane until the program ends. 

After recovering from hitting a tree, BS grabs an abandoned skateboard to prepare his next attack.

Shinabe refers to Bananasauros as “grasshopper”, a colloquial term for a new student of martial arts that was popularized (invented?) by the 1972-75 TV series Kung Fu, wherein the protagonist Kwai Chang Caine is given this nickname by one of his Shaolin masters, the blind Master Po, referring to an incident wherein Po could hear the chirping of a grasshopper when Caine could not. It is nearly certain that Chris is unaware of the origins of the phrase, seeing as Shinabe teaches karate, not kung fu, conflating the two martial arts.

BS crashes Punchy and Shinabe’s tea time by riding the skateboard through the hole in the wall.

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Sonichu 11 Page 72

Caption: Next day, at the day care center…

PUNCHY: Alright, Dave, time to make an egg.

PUNCHY: There’s the Ditto.

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Ditto? I don’t like the sound of that, dude. Is it a chick?

Caption: Ditto used Transform…

PUNCHY: It is now.

BANANASAUROS {thought}: “Now”? You mean it was a dude, or what is it?!

PUNCHY: Dittos are intersex.

BANANASAUROS {thought}: I totally should not have cheated on Caitlyn!!!

PUNCHY: Suck it up, David.

Caption: An hour later…

PUNCHY: Wow! Two eggs! You did it, dude! Big kudos to you!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Yeah, but you’re gonna hafta carry me home in a Poke ball. That thing was all over me with ferocious intent. Ugh! Snip me, dude. I am soo over all of that. 

Caption: Later on…

PUNCHY: Don’t give me that smug look. I am baffled. Throughout the game, we all could only make fruit or dinosaur words. And the only word I could come up with not related to either was “Moustache.”

Caption: Another day, at Nabe’s Dojo-Shin…

SHINABE: Anticipate a likely counter attack when fighting an opponent; remain focused.

SHINABE: Hajime!

Punchy follows Marjorie’s advice to take BS to a Pokemon breeder, and Bananasauros is placed in front of his next (first?) sexual partner, a Ditto. Dittos are famous for their ability to breed with any non-legendary Pokemon, and are useful for duplicating otherwise rare Pokemon, such as BS here. Though the details are left intentionally hazy for the sake of keeping Pokemon kid friendly, it is often assumed that when left in the daycare with another Pokemon, the otherwise-genderless Ditto transforms into a Pokemon of the same species but opposite gender, and the two breed, which is what’s shown here. 

Despite the fact that BS is still a horny high schooler on the inside, he is not eager to jump into bed with his opposite sexed clone. He considers his being forced to have sex for procreation with this Ditto the apex of his karmic punishment for cheating on Caitlyn. His negative response to the situation may be a commentary on how the Pokemon games allow you to force Pokemon to breed with each other, but that may be digging too deep. It’s prolly just a black comedy rape.

After an hour of apparently rough sex, the Ditto lays two eggs, with their shells being the same color as BS, hinting that they contain baby Bananasaurs. These eggs present an interesting conundrum - since the first Bananasaur was the reincarnation of a dead man, are these also latent reincarnations of the recently deceased? It’s reasonably safe to assume that the roughly 16 or 17 year old David Rotgard didn’t already have any children from his human life, so has he just become a father to the reincarnations of people who were not already his children? Or are they totally new lives, born to a father that was once not their same species? We never see these eggs hatched - presumably they went off with Marjorie and Professor Cedar to be studied and, in turn, breed an entire lineage of Bananasaurs and Bananasauroses to become just another Pokemon species - so these pressing existential questions are never answered.

While Ditto is smiling, seemingly having enjoyed the sex and is proud of the babes she bore, BS claims he would prefer to be neutered to prevent future Ditto rapes. 

Later, we briefly return to Layla and Punchy’s house, and she’s still mad that he’s spending all his time with his new pet, now they’re playing Scrabble. Somehow, every single word, barring “Moustache”, related to either fruit or dinosaurs. Seemingly, BS won the game.

Some time later, Punchy has returned to the dojo where he grew up with BS in tow, and the latter is being trained by Punchy’s foster father, Shinabe. Now, those of you who are deeply versed in Sonichu lore might be saying “wait a second, wasn’t Shinabe murdered by a vengeful former student in one of Chris’s supplementary prose side stories, a student who was in turn killed by an avenging Punchy?” Yes, to quote the CWCkipedia article about how Sonichu met the Chaotic Combo, “Punchy occupies the Dojo he hatched in. He missed his television shows (Samurai Pizza Cats), so I talked with the Electric Company of Cwcville, and resumed Electric service for the Dojo. Master Shinabe was murdered by one of his ex-students in revenge. Punchy swiftly punch him back. He respectfully buried his late master and the assassin behind the Dojo with a proper Japanese-like Memorial piece above their resting place in respect.” So why is he here now? The most charitable explanation (and this is a very charitable explanation) is that this is some sort of prequel set before Shinabe’s death, but the more reasonable explanation is that Chris simply forgot he wrote that, seeing as this was written long after the demise of the CWCkipedia.

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

Sonichu 11 Page 68

SIMON: I’m flummoxed as well, Sandy.

PUNCHY: I get what he’s saying.

SIMON: Aaah!!

SANDY: Punchy, hi!

PUNCHY: Hey, Sandy. Hi, Simon. Yeah, that little guy was just groovin’ with AC/DC before hatching. 

BANANASAUR {thought}: You understand my speech, red dude?

PUNCHY: Yeah, little dude. Jam with me. Wha’ cha know?

BANANASAUR {thought}: Oh, rightous. Thank God!

BANANASAUR {thought}: I was diggin AC/DC’s latest beats, when ka-blam! A car hits me. Next thing I know, I’m out of an egg, tryin’ to convince the blue gal I was late to a video game play with my buds. Guess they won’t get me now. Ugh!!!

PUNCHY: Major bummer, dude. You want some strawberry Pocky?

BANANASAUR {thought}: Thanks, dude! I love fruit snacks.

SIMON: Wow. You seem to be the only one who can understand this Bananasaur. Would you take care of him? Also, as he is a newly-discovered Pokemon, would you breed him at a day care center?

BANANASAUR {thought}: Yum! This is good.

Punchy makes a beeline to the museum and immediately hits it off with Bananasaur, they share some Pocky over recollections of Bananasaur’s previous life, and Punchy agrees to take him of Simon and Sandy’s hands, inadvertently sealing the doom of his relationship with Layla.

Bananasaur claims he was listening to AC/DC’s “latest beats” when he died (note that the slang term “beats” is generally only used in reference to rap, techno, EDM, stuff where a “beat” is more important than other rhythms… not hard rock like AC/DC, is what I’m trying to say), which leads to some confusion about exactly when he died. He later is shown to be good at the video game God of War, the first game of which came out in 2005, since the beginning of the God of War franchise AC/DC has released albums in 2008, 2014, and 2020, it’s possible that he was listening to Black Ice (the 2008 album) and was familiar with God of War I and II, or maybe he died closer to his apparent creation date in 2014, and was listening to Rock or Bust (2014) and was familiar with the entire God of War classic trilogy. It’s fairly safe to say that either 2008 or 2014 is his year of death, given the ties to AC/DC album releases.

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Sonichu 11 Page 58

Caption: 30 minutes later…

SIMON: Hmmm!! That was some really good soup, and my nerves needed the celery. Thank you. And thanks again so much for forgiving me. You’re good for my sister, Wild. Any you two made a very spirited kid. 

SIMON: Ahhh… I was not as fortunate, though. I was forraging for berries for my family…

SIMON: Evan caught me as a Sonee from behind with a Quick Ball.

SIMON: He and his crew force-evolved me to something of their M.S. Paint “design”.

Screen: Troll-velution 3.5

SIMON: I was not the only one caught for their “collection”.

SIMON: They “trained” us with abusive attacks from their level 100 Beedrills.

SIMON: We were all kept locked in cages; mentally dumbed-down with videos of the seriously mentally-challenged.

Man on TV: Duh-er!

SIMON: Over the time, I’ve heard talk of a familiar name. My sister Simonla. I tried to contact her. I found her number on the CWCville Construction Company’s website. I sent her links to the videos of Evan abusing me.

After Simon comes to his senses, he monologues his entire life story to Wild and Sandy, who have presumably seen very little of him aside from immediately following Simonla’s “death”. His life thus far has been rather tragic: as a Sonee (a yellow Sonee, notably, granting further credence to my theory that most Sonees/Roseys are supposed to be yellow/pink respectively, then evolve into their primary element’s color) he was kidnapped by Evan and then forcibly evolved, brutally trained with other EHPs, and they were forced to dull their senses and intelligence. Despite the fact that by 2017 when this was written Evan had long left the trolling sphere and Chris’s feud with him was over, Chris continues to add false charges to his quote-unquote “rap sheet”. What is Chris doing, continuing to paint Evan as an animal abuser behind his back? Given that Chris’s fervor towards him had otherwise subsided, is it possible that he wrote Evan like this in a rare display of continuity, since Evan’s character was established during the period of loathing? Notably, Simon says that Evan forced him to fight with Beedrills, the Pokemon species that Evan claimed was the inspiration for Simon’s drills (seeing as Chris wouldn’t have gotten the Gurren Lagann reference).

Simon did make attempts to reach apparently his only living family member (despite saying he was foraging for his family earlier), Simonla. Apparently, according to this weird wording, Simon sent Simonla videos of Evan’s abuse over the phone, because the only thing he mentions is having Simonla’s phone number from the CWCville Construction site. Even if we are meant to assume that he also got her email there, he tried to reach her through her work email and not a personal one, though she did reply sympathetically, according to the next page. I question though how Simon was able to record videos of the Asperpedia Four abusing him. This was 2008, when cell phone video cameras were rather primitive, and given Evan’s other treatment of him I don’t know why Evan would let him even have a cell phone. Apparently, according to the next page, Simon used one of the A4’s phones, but how then did they not notice Simon stealing their phones to record their abuse and later alert his sister?

“Duh-er” calls to mind “D’oh”, the catchphrase of Homer Simpson.

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Sonichu 11 Page 75

PUNCHY {thought}: I just fixed that, David… 

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Let’s see how you fare when I’m boardin’, brah!

SHINABE {thought}: Grasshopper still lacks dicipline.

PUNCHY: With all due respect, Grasshopper, your dicipline still needs work, and you need to respect your dojo too.

PUNCHY: Plus!

PUNCHY: No skateboards are allowed in this sacred land.

PUNCHY: But if you must insist on the way of your past life…

PUNCHY: Bunga-Booyah!

A piece of the wall bounces off Shinabe’s head, leaving a lump, as Punchy mourns the time he spent fixing the wall that BS just destroyed.

Punchy parrots what Shinabe thought back to Bananasauros, then warns him that it’s generally not a bright idea to ride your skateboard around a sacred room. His taunt to BS, “Bunga-Booyah”, may just be the single most ‘90’s phrase ever conceived, as a cross between “cowabunga”, surfer slang popularized in the ‘90’s by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and “booyah”, another radical neologism of the decade.

BS finally has a combat advantage on his skateboard, and he finally defeats Punchy.

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Sonichu 11 Page 73

Caption: Slash (?)

Caption: One-armed Seismic Toss

SFX: Crash!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Oh, dude! How much this hurts!

SHINABE: Hajime!

Caption: Skull Bash

SHINABE: Hajime!

BANANASAUROS {thought}: Hmm. I will try to anticipate… which way Punchy will dodge…

Caption: Rollout

BANANASAUROS {thought}: I think he will go over me, so I will hop as I hit.

“Hajime” is a Japanese call roughly translating to “begin”. Punchy and BS begin their sparring session designed to make the latter less of an absolute weakling. All attempts end with Bananasaur getting hurt, culminating in him trying to use the Rock-Type move Rollout, but inadvertently flattening Punchy and rolling through the wall.

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Sonichu 11 Page 59

SIMON: Having to take one of their iPhones, i received Simonla’s e-mail responses. She had heard of them through Chris Chan, is that right?, Sonichu and Rosechu of their character abuse and defacing. 

SIMON: She assured me of my rescue as soon as possible. I was with Evan, in the Quick Ball, that day 4-Cent Garbage fell to rubble. All of the surviving trolls had scattered.

EVAN CHRISTOPHER GEORGE {thought}: You’ll pay for this!

SIMON: After the release of the prisoner Sonichus, Rosechus, and abused Pokemon, at Alec’s hide-out, he, Evan, Mao and Sean plotted to kill Chris’ Sonichus and Rosechus, one by one. Sadly starting with Simonla, and those at the mall, two days later. I was set up to be a decoy. I was forced to repeat “kill Simonla” in my mind.

ALEC BENSON LEARY: While Chris Chan is speeching on, I’ll plant the Voltorbs and detonate each of them. Evan, drop the chandelier, Mao, kill from behind, and Sean, throw rocks.

SIMON: I was totally paralyzed with fear, but I was obligated to my master’s orders. I am not a bad Pokemon. Frankly, I was relieve after the five of us were captured. Then, super scared after hearing Simonla got blow up. During our jail time, I was kept well-separated from Evan and the others. I was better fed in jail than ever before; I was finding peace of mind. The down side was Wild’s weekly visits; he really hated the five of us. And then one visit he brought Sandy; I was really ashamed. I could not live that down.

WILD: Murderer!

SANDY: My mother is in a coma, because of you, Uncle!!

Despite Simonla’s promise to rescue him ASAP, Simonchu is present for the destruction of the 4CG building. This despite the A4 not having been mentioned as having been in Clarksville on the day of the disaster in any previous mention. Remember that all of Sonichu 10 up until after Simonla’s “death” seemingly happened on one day - including but not limited to the 4CG collapse, the raid on the Asperchu base in Minnesota, and Chris’s speech and the Voltorb explosion. This brings up the unpleasant question of logistics, given that the A4 didn’t have the deus ex machina powers that Chris does of Sonichu/Chris-Chan Sonichu’s super speed and Magi-Chan’s teleportation, along with wondering the locations of the remaining 3 Asperpedia Foursmen, seeing as the only one we saw prior to Chris’s speech was Alec, getting beaten up in Minnesota. Alec was beaten up at his house in Minnesota in the afternoon, then was in CWCville, Virginia by that evening to plant the Voltorb, which is possible but improbable if he was flying commercial air, the Occam’s Razor explanation of how he got halfway across the country. And Evan, who we didn’t see in Sonichu 10 until Chris’s speech, was now apparently in Tennessee, also not close to CWCville (this would also be the first time we’ve seen A4 members acting independent of the group). We see Evan at 4CG Ground Zero, shaking his fists at the rubble and… something blue and yellow and orange? Are those supposed to be paramedics carting off an injured/dead troll away?

The Asperpedia Four’s seemingly random attack is reframed as revenge for the 4CG collapse (again, possibly on the same day - the speech section is delineated from what came before by a vague “later”, but Chris usually likes to state the full month/day/year everytime a new day is shown, so probably all the same evening), and the full scope of their plans is revealed to us here. Alec says that he was going to plant “Voltorbs” plural, implying that the attack was originally intended as a larger bombing attack. It’s unknown why it was pared down to just Simonla’s restroom, it’s implied by Alec’s wording that he was to detonate the Voltorbs one by one which makes no sense because presumably the building would be evacuated after the first Voltorb explosion, limiting the casualties if that’s what they were going for. Evan’s instructions were to “drop the chandelier”, despite there not being any chandeliers in the place the speech was being held at, Evan instead tried to cut down the jumbotron over Chris’s head. Giving Chris the benefit of a doubt, “chandelier” could have been a codeword used as a sweet Phantom of the Opera reference. Mao’s job was the extremely vague “kill from behind” - with what? The A4 seemed to have a thing for structural carnage, so it’s possible that Mao’s job was to seal possible exits by bringing down part of the building, thus trapping Chris and all his cronies inside, but I’m just spitballing here. Sean, fitting the characterization presented to him so far as a brain-dead rock-loving fool, is ordered to throw rocks at people. Given that his three compatriots are murdering people en masse, Sean causing moderate injuries with throwable rocks is laughable, in fact it almost seems like a comic relief joke thrown in amongst the rest of the crew’s serious and scary terrorist plot. I could give Chris the benefit of a doubt again and say “throw rocks” is another euphemism/codeword for something like a Molotov Cocktail, but given Sean’s obsession with rocks I really don’t want to. Simon, too, has a part to play - he’s the decoy to distract Magi-Chan, thinking “Kill Simonla” so Magi’s psychic patrol senses would get alerted to him and not the rest of the A4, so they’d be free to do as they pleased. The problem is that by having Simon think “kill Simonla”, he alerted Magi-Chan to the fact that there’d be an attempt on Simonla’s life that evening, the CWCki describes it as “a tactical decision that is comparable to setting off the sprinklers so you can commit arson”. Indeed, it’s quite possible that using Simon as a decoy was the only thing preventing the A4’s most extreme version of their attack from occurring. Good job shooting yourselves in the foot guys.

Simon had no choice but to follow orders and he’s relieved that he’s separated from his abusers when the five are arrested. Unfortunately, his arrest flings him out of the A4’s frying pan and into Wild and Sandy’s fire, as they decry him as a murderer, despite no one actually having died, and presumably they’re aware he was an unwitting participant. Whatever jail he’s being held in apparently just lets people go in and berate its prisoners.

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Sonichu 11 Page 57

SIMONLA: I can’t believe you two! Simon was not the one who planted and detonated the bomb! 

SIMONLA: Alec did that! Magi-Chan told me while I was bedridden!

SIMONLA: I had forgiven Simon; he genuinely felt bad and sad about what happened.

SIMONLA: I expect you both to forgive my brother too.

SIMONLA: Simonchu was a victim of poor circumstances!

SIMONLA: And I want you both to put that mess behind you, and apologize to Simonchu right…

SIMONLA: Sandy, go get the first aid kit and smelling salts from the bathroom.

SIMONLA: And, Wild, fix up some soup; lots of celery on the side.

SIMONCHU: Zzz

Simonla explains to her husband and daughter what should have been painfully clear to them almost immediately after her murder attempt - that Simonchu was not in any way responsible for her near-death and that they were crazy psychos for trying to kill him over a murder that did not happen that he did not take meaningful part in. Wild, despite clearly having not forgiven Simon last page, claims that he’d forgiven Simon due to his remorse.

Simonla, laying by her fallen brother’s side, orders Wild to fix him celery soup and Sandy to help her wake him up with the help of smelling salts.

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Sonichu 11 Page 53

SIMON {thought}: Seriously?! She invites me over after all that?!

SIMON: Alright, I’ll go over. I’ll hear their shouts.

SIMON {thought}: Take the Razor Claw and fossil with me.

Caption: August 18, 2008

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …I hereby sentence the four of them to reside in an Amish community; no technology access…

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: …of their lives! And their Pokemon are to be released, after being healed of their former trainers’ abuse!…

JUDGE SLACK LEWIS: In our local Pokemon Centers and community centers! All of their other possessions and property are to be sold at auction! Court is adjourned!

WILD: If you ever come near me or Sandy again, I will cut and Vine Whip you up!

WILD: You rotten, lousy, pathetic murderer!!!

Caption: Present day… December 18, 2008

Caption: 2:00 PM

SFX: Bing-bong

SIMON: Hey, sis.

SIMONLA: Come on down, bro.

Simonchu is aware that coming over to Simonla’s house is not a wise idea, though he decides to visit anyway, bringing the Razor Claw and fossil with him as presents to hopefully appease his still-bitter brother-in-law and niece.

Simon has a flashback to the (retconned version of) the Asperpedia Four’s trial. We are shown that despite seemingly being an accomplice in Sonichu 10, he is not among the defendants (it’s possible that all his charges were dropped when it was made known he was coerced, or possibly there is no way to charge Electric Hedgehog Pokemon of crimes.) Regardless, Judge Slack Lewis outlines his fate - to be released into the wild, alongside the Asperpedia Four’s other Pokemon, after getting healed up at a Pokemon Center. All their non-sapient possessions  have been seized by police and are set to be auctioned off at a police auction.

Despite walking off scot-free, Simonchu is still not out of the woods (pun not intended) since Wild, even though this is set in a universe where Simonla did not die, is still furious to the point of threatening Simonchu’s life should he ever show his face again to Wild or Sandy (but, notably, not Simonla, even though, again, she’s still alive). Wild threatens to use his signature Vine Whip attack on him, even though in the Pokemon games the move being incredibly weak at only a 45 power (meaning it is generally only used by lower-level Pokemon and replaced by a more powerful move as soon as possible). Wild calls Simonchu a murderer, despite him being exonerated of the crime, and once again let me stress that Simonla’s still alive.

The day after receiving Simonla’s text, Simon arrives at the Wild household, presumably after digging for the entire night. Luckily for Simon, the first face he sees is a friendly one, Simonla.

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Sonichu 11 Page 56

SANDY: Mom!

SANDY: You can not be serious! He was one of those… trolls!!! That plotted to kill you!

SIMON: Actually, in my defense, I was against that whole mess, but Evan…

SANDY: Shut up, troll!!!

SIMON: Y-yes, S-s-san…

SANDY: Don’t call me “San” either!

WILD: Simonla! I felt my jungle sense tingling, and I just heard the shouting… wha?

WILD: You!!

Caption: *twang*

SIMONLA: Enough!!!

SIMON: Zzz

Caption: *thud*

Caption: *He fainted*

Caption: *stomp*

Sandy argues with her mother, flabbergasted at her willingness to accept someone who tried to kill her into her home. Simon pleads with her that he was not a willing participant but Sandy yells at him to shut up. In response to his stuttering, Sandy screams to him that even inadvertently shortening her name to “San” will still cause the same freak out that calling her Samantha would, and prepares to begin drilling him just as she did to Evan, despite her mother’s scowl.

Wild, drawn home by his “Jungle Sense” (furthering him becoming a ripoff of Spider-Man, now having an equivalent to his “Spidey-Senses”), sees Simonchu and immediately readies his arm-vines to beat him with.

Simonla finally puts her foot down (literally, you hear her stomp) and all the shock gets to Simonchu, causing him to faint. Presumably that means in the non-Pokemon context, as he did not receive any damage. Wild looks somewhat sheepish about his impulsivity, letting his vine drop to the floor. Sandy, meanwhile, is as furious as ever.

There’s a “Certified” certificate on the wall behind Wild but I have no idea who’s certificate it is and what it certifies him or her to do. It was in the floor plan of Simonla’s house back in Sonichu 9 too, but it remains as enigmatic now as it did then.

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Sonichu 11 Page 55

Sign: Tunnel 1

SANDY: That’s right!

SANDY: I have a middle name! Samantha!!!

SANDY: And if you, or anyone!, Calls me that, “Sam”, “Sammy”, or anything similar,… 

SANDY: …After being warned once, you’ll die with horn drill!!!

Caption: *Fourth-Wall break; Sandy is talking to you, here.

Sandy’s rage at her being called her middle name causes nearly the entire page to be consumed by a red-and-yellow void, and her face is surrounded by those plus signs they use in anime to show that a character is angry (they’re supposed to represent bulging veins, despite them not all being connected to Sandy’s face, though this is not unheard of in anime.) She begins spinning all three of her drills, pointing two of them at the audience, as she yells. She refuses to accept even the acknowledgement of her middle name, and says that if anyone dares to call her by even a diminutive form of Samantha, she’ll kill them with Horn Drill, a Pokemon move that causes instant death if it hits (which only happens 30% of the time). This doesn’t just apply to her mother and her uncle, but also the audience, as Chris makes sure to note that Sandy looking into the camera was intended as a fourth wall break.

The concept of a “fourth wall” originates from the world of theater, where actors are told that despite most sets in proscenium-style theaters having at most three walls, to pretend that an invisible fourth wall separates them from the audience and to not break it by acknowledging the audience; any deliberate metafictional acknowledgements of an audience or other storytelling conventions are “breaking the fourth wall”. Chris has expanded the concept, particularly in 2019, to be the invisible barrier separating the fictional world from the real world. Only those creative enough can breach it to meet fictional characters “OCs”, and whenever a fourth wall break happens in media, an OC is attempting to contact the real world. Apparently all creative works are sparked by meetings between OCs and creative people. By this logic, in 1605 King Lear appeared to Shakespeare, explained his life’s story, and implored Shakespeare to turn it into a play, Louisa May Alcott was inspired to write Little Women from meeting Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy March and not from her own experiences, Martin Scorsese and screenwriter Paul Schrader based Taxi Driver on the life Travis Bickle lead in C-197, and Masahiro Sakurai is free to visit Kirby and his universe at his leisure. Despite this apparently being true of all creatives throughout time and across the globe, only Chris has ever mentioned it. I wonder why.

Also I have no idea why there’s a picture of “Tunnel 1”, presumably where Sandy just entered from, on this page. It’d have made much more sense on the previous page.